{"id":1201,"date":"2009-12-24T13:11:24","date_gmt":"2009-12-24T17:11:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/heroesinrehab.ca\/blog\/?p=1201"},"modified":"2009-12-24T14:25:47","modified_gmt":"2009-12-24T18:25:47","slug":"winter-wonderland-csi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/heroesinrehab.ca\/blog\/2009\/12\/24\/winter-wonderland-csi\/","title":{"rendered":"CSI: Winter Wonderland"},"content":{"rendered":"

(With apologies to John Moe<\/a> for totally ripping off his excellent stuff:)<\/em><\/p>\n

POLICE OCCURRENCE REPORT – DECEMBER 25, 2009<\/strong><\/p>\n

Police were dispatched to a location in the general vicinity of complainant’s residence on the morning of December 25th in relation to a report of a deceased elderly female.\u00a0 Upon arrival, officers spoke to complainant\/reporter, who advised that the deceased – who he referred to as “Grandma” –\u00a0 had been struck and killed by reindeer en route from complainant’s residence at an unknown point during the previous evening.\u00a0 Officers responding to the scene requested that detectives from the homicide unit attend, as complainant told police that one Santa CLAUS (d.o.b. unknown) is responsible, though complainant did not actually observe the alleged incident in question.\u00a0 Detectives advised complainant that CLAUS is not a viable suspect, in view of his fictional nature.\u00a0 Complainant insisted that he and his father “believe.”\u00a0 Homicide investigation commenced.<\/p>\n

Police believe alcohol played a role in the incident.\u00a0 Deceased last seen alive by a witness who indicates that deceased had been consuming egg nog to excess prior to departing from a nearby residence, apparently seeking certain (unspecified) medications (a toxicology work-up has been requested).\u00a0 Witness observed indicia of physical impairment, as the witness indicates that deceased was seen to “stumble” as she departed into the snow.<\/p>\n

Deceased was discovered this morning with obvious\u00a0 trauma to the head and torso.\u00a0 It must be noted for continuity purposes that the crime scene was not secure, as family members appear to have attended and conducted their own investigation prior to contacting police, compromising officers’ ability to examine the scene for sleigh or animal tracks, and other items of possible evidentiary value.\u00a0 Relatives of the deceased are adamant that markings on the deceased’s forehead are consistent with hoof-related injury, and further that abrasions noted on deceased’s back may be\u00a0 forensically linked to CLAUS.\u00a0 Crime lab has been requested to locate and dispatch a pathologist with expertise in injuries inflicted by larger mammals.<\/p>\n

Deceased’s husband was not prepared to give a statement to police, claiming he was too distraught to do so.\u00a0 Suspicions of police, however, were later aroused when the man was observed watching televised football and socializing over cards with a “cousin” named “Belle.”\u00a0\u00a0 Officers also observed several family members (descriptions unavailable, as all were wearing black) attempting to tamper with evidence at the home, variously and inconsistently claiming that they wished to either open the deceased woman’s gifts or return them to the point of purchase.\u00a0\u00a0 The scene has since been taped off and the gifts in question secured by officers for subsequent expert examination.\u00a0 Ident unit dispatched to take photos of various areas of the subject residence, in particular a dining room in which officers noted a prepared goose and a pudding containing pork products.\u00a0 Police specifically requested that the assigned pathologist rule out food-borne illness and\/or heart disease during conduct of autopsy.\u00a0\u00a0 Dining room also noted to contain a table with a candle, blue and silver in colour, the shade of which is suspiciously and strikingly similar to the material used to create the deceased’s wig.<\/p>\n

Police learned that at least one unknown family member was alarming nearby residents, warning them to beware of CLAUS’ reckless sleigh operation.\u00a0 It may be that this individual was attempting to deflect suspicion as this individual has also reportedly been agitating against the government’s decision to issue vehicle permits to sleigh-operators and circulating rather fantastic rumours among neighbours that the killer consorts with elves.<\/p>\n

Police re-iterated to family that CLAUS is not a suspect in this occurrence;\u00a0 family continues to insist that he is responsible.<\/p>\n

Homicide investigation ongoing.\u00a0 Surveillance of deceased’s husband and his new companion recommended.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(With apologies to John Moe for totally ripping off his excellent stuff:)<\/p>\n

POLICE OCCURRENCE REPORT – DECEMBER 25, 2009<\/p>\n

Police were dispatched to a location in the general vicinity of complainant’s residence on the morning of December 25th in relation to a report of a deceased elderly female. Upon arrival, officers spoke to complainant\/reporter, who […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[916],"tags":[605,918,917,1189,920,919,682],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/heroesinrehab.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1201"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/heroesinrehab.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/heroesinrehab.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/heroesinrehab.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/heroesinrehab.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1201"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/heroesinrehab.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1201\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1206,"href":"http:\/\/heroesinrehab.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1201\/revisions\/1206"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/heroesinrehab.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1201"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/heroesinrehab.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1201"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/heroesinrehab.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1201"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}