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Sometimes in professional sports, in the latter portion of a lost season, one can get the impression that folks are just mailing it in. Akin to garbage time in a game too far out of hand to salvage, the idea is that a team can be so far out of contention for a championship or qualification for the playoffs that those associated with the team have ceased to care about results in the remaining games. Typically, fans are concerned that their professional heroes have given up and are going through the motions; team management typically attempts to assuage these fears by stressing that players are auditioning for jobs for the next season. They commonly also offer hope that the team is using the remaining games as a developmental exercise – setting specific goals and trying to learn how to win by achieving those goals, regardless of their ultimate factual irrelevance. Happily for Toronto Maple Leafs fans, it would seem that the Leaf players are buying in to this narrative for the most part. The Blue and White put in a mostly spirited effort against a depleted Bruins club that has given them fits this year, eventually prevailing in overtime on a goal by Nikolai Kulemin. So no worries about anybody going through the motions in Leaf-land, right? At least for one night? Well, not quite. The television broadcast crew that brought us the game on Sportsnet last night had some real difficulties. In particular, Joe Bowen and Greg Millen seemed to be having an inordinate amount of difficulty keeping Jonas Gustavsson and Carl Gunnarsson straight. It’s true that both men are Swedish and both are relatively new additions to the Leaf team whose last names begin with the letter “G”. Really, though, is it too much to ask that the crew whose job it is to know about these players could, by the time game number 66 rolls around, reliably distinguish between the team’s much-hyped young goaltender and a defenseman who has pleasantly surprised? Nevertheless, throughout Tuesday night’s game, Bowen and Millen continuously tripped over the Gustavsson/Gunnarsson identification. This unfortunate difficulty manifested itself most notably late in the second period with the Bruins leading 2-1. Following a faceoff in the Bruins’ zone, Carl Gunnarsson directed a shot at the Bruins’ goal that found the twine, tying the game at twos. Regrettably, Joe Bowen attributed this goal to Jonas Gustavsson – the Leafs’ goaltender. Check out the clip (from YouTube) below: I can’t say for sure how I would have reacted in, say 1995, if you had told me then what I would find myself doing some fifteen years down the road, on a sunny morning in early March. Way back when, I was living the life of an upwardly mobile single young man living in the big city. I was a relatively recent entrant in the urban Rat Race (Toronto division). A young briefcase-carrying professional during the day, I was also writing music on the side, and I was very interested in (if not particularly successful at) advancing the fortunes of the band after which this blog is named. I lived on Queen Street East in a little flat over top of a jewellery store at Queen and Broadview. Over the noise of the streetcars turning and amid the steady parade of alcohol-fuelled gentlemen filing in and out of the strip joint on the corner, a community there was rapidly gentrifying. Not far from the back door, there was the clubhouse for the outlaw motorcycle gang; it was damaged (but only a little bit) by a rocket attack one night. Across from our place, there was a terrific Jamaican restaurant that served Red Stripe beer and the best jerk chicken you’re ever likely to sample. The neighbourhood, filled with a colourful cast of characters of the “down, but not quite out” variety, was also dotted with antique stores, little cafes and second hand shops. The estimable Reaction Studios, where the lads and I had only months before recorded our studio debut, was a short walk away. I played hockey three or four times a week with my buddies. I went to the precious few clubs that continued to support live music, and my bandmates and I schemed up ways to worm our way on to the Queen West circuit. I dabbled at film-making. I saw Important Movies, I read Important Books and I spent much of my time searching for Big Ideas to bring into my life. I can’t, in good journalistic conscience, risk having left the false impression with the reader that I was at any point in this period of time edgy, cool or hip. I may very well have thought at the time that I was; in hindsight, it is abundantly clear to me that I most assuredly was not. The quality of my personal aesthetic and fashion achievement during this period of time is not, however, the point; instead, I am trying to convey to you that my life in 1995 was very much a life lived to the peculiar rhythms of the thriving urban community within which I existed. It is within that context that I suggest that historical me would have had some considerable difficulty comprehending exactly how it came to pass that this morning, here in 2010, I found myself searching out my camera equipment for the following reason: so that I could take a picture of a dead raccoon that my wife had pointed out to me along the side of a country road. Let’s take that last sentence apart piece by precious little piece for a moment, shall we, to make sure we haven’t missed any of the wonderful and varied splendour it contains (and, not coincidentally, that life serves up so unexpectedly when you’re not looking). The logical propositions that are incorporated into that statement are as follows:
I don’t know what your feelings are about the movie Forrest Gump. At this point in my life, I don’t much care, to be honest. Regardless of your views on this matter, though, it is difficult at times to argue with that movie’s oft-quoted line, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” I suspect that the little fellow pictured below would have to agree.
 Every Picture Tells a Story, Don't It?
 Rocky Raccoon Gives Us a Pompeii-like Tableau for Rural Folk UPDATE: From @kidkawartha of the PPP crowd comes the epic de-motivational poster. I am without words, consigned only to chortles, giggles and snorts.
Update to the update, Monday March 8th: As a direct result of this picture and my conversation about it with @kidkawartha (not to mention the considerable efforts of @archluke), #deadraccoonmoviequotes became, for a time, the #1 trending topic on Twitter in Canada on Sunday afternoon (click on the link to see a photo of Twitter, then zoom in and look at the right side of the page). Deal with THAT, Canada. The surprises just keep on coming… Thanks to everyone who joined in the fun, especially those in the gang over at Pension Plan Puppets.  Canada 3, United States 2 (OT) Nice job, Team Canada. Brilliant.  George Flies the Flag It’s forty minutes to game time – Gold Medal Game Time – here in Canada. I don’t have much time to type, as there is still much to do before my Mom and Dad join Spouse and I here in Juniorvania to watch the epic struggle for hockey gold that is about to unfold on Canadian soil. I had to stop in to mention that Spouse and I were out getting some breakfast and some groceries earlier today. It is an amazing thing to see out there; we’re half a country away from Vancouver, but there is a palpable feeling of excitement on the streets. First of all, every other person (at least) is wearing some sort of Canada paraphernalia. Second, early on a Sunday morning, the streets and stores are busy: people are trying to get their errands done before 3 o’clock local time, which is when the puck drops. Cars are flying Canadian flags, and everybody everywhere – in the Horton’s this morning, in line at the grocery store – is talking about the general public excitement over these Olympic games in general, and the hockey game this afternoon in particular. I was only six in 1972 when the time drew near for Game 8 against the Russians at Ludzhniki Ice Palace in Moscow. Still, I remember the excitement in our classroom on that day in September when the big black and white TV, mounted on movable aluminum rack, was wheeled into the room and all the kids sat down on the floor cross-legged to watch the game. I remember that same excitement not so long ago in 2002 when Canada’s best hockey players faced off against the Yanks in Salt Lake; finally we had a chance with our best players to reclaim the hockey gold we view as rightfully ours, for the first time in 50 years. I sat in the Black Swan Tavern on the Danforth in Toronto that day, and when the final few seconds ticked off the clock and the gold was back home where it belonged, I stood arm in arm with the friends I had watched the game with – some old, some very new – and we belted out “O Canada” at the top of our lungs as the celebration unfolded on the ice. I have that same excitement and more today. It’s different, because the game is here, in Canada, where great games belong. We’ve wanted to have such a game here for a very long time, so long that we manufactured international events like Canada Cups and World Cups. Wins – and yes, it must be said, losses in those events (I’m looking at you, 1996) – were important and historic, but they pale in comparison to the import of this Olympic finale. Let it be said, win or lose, that Canadian athletes have done us proud throughout these games. The determination of Joannie Rochette, the exuberance of a guys like Jon Montgomery or our female bobsledders, the skill shown by both our curling rinks – on and on it goes. It’s very Canadian to say that we are just happy to have gotten here, happy to have tried our hardest and enjoyed the competition. All of that is very much true. But I want to win gold today. I want to win hockey gold. It’s not typically Canadian to allow oneself to say that aloud, to openly wish for this kind of success on the world stage, but we’re all doing it and it’s okay. Spouse and I drove along the highway winding through snow-covered fields earlier today, with the sun shining down and glistening on the winter wonderland that surrounded us. We were drinking our Tim Horton’s, blaring the Tragically Hip’s “Little Bones” and flying a newly-purchased Canadian flag from the window of our truck. We were both excited about what we had seen around us, the expression of patriotism from our fellow citizens, and we were – and are- both excited about the prospect of an exciting conclusion to these Olympics. It is a good day to be a Canadian. Let’s enjoy it. I’ve been holding my breath ever since about the first period of Game Two vs. Switzerland. Team Canada looked disorganized and got outworked by a highly motivated Swiss team; the hosts were lucky to win in a shootout. Tonight, Team Canada worked harder but lost to a team with a better goaltender and – it must be said – a little bit of puck luck. Minor criticisms can be made – Pronger and Niedermayer both looked weak, Marleau and Thornton made all Canadians understand the frustration of Sharks fans as they completely disappeared inside an important game – but this game came down to some bad play by Martin Brodeur. Bob McKenzie of TSN said it best on the CTV telecast: switch the goalies and tell me the result wouldn’t have been different. Marty got us that gold in 2002, but he sure didn’t look like the same goaltender tonight. Expect Roberto Luongo to play for Canada from here to the conclusion of this tournament. Lots of people are busy working out the permutations of who Canada will play in the medal round, but hear this: a win against Germany is by no means guaranteed. If the Germans play Canada like the Swiss did, and if Canada fails to adjust in the same fashion, there is a good chance that Canada’s tournament ends right away. I wouldn’t bet on it, but our team needs not to look past that game. You can bet the Germans aren’t. In the meantime, here’s an idea for the next Visa Olympics related commercial. Morgan Freeman does the voiceover, of course. “Hear that sound? It’s the sound of an entire nation saying ‘FUCK RYAN MILLER’ – all at the same time!”  Step One Complete. Next up: Swiss Timing Just want to make it clear, posting the above score is in no way meant to diminish the excellent effort of the Norwegian hockey team. I am not talking smack about Norway, just trying to document what I hope will be a journey towards Olympic gold for Canada’s Men. Norwegian guys are okay by me – I saw a Visa commercial tonight that reminded me about an incident in the Turin Olympics when a Norwegian cross-country ski coach, seeing that Canada’s Sara Renner had broken one of her poles, gave her his own. Renner went on to claim a silver medal and essays on sportsmanship exploded out of word processors all over the world. Good on you, Norway. Thanks for an entertaining game. Both Kidkawartha (via Twitter) and MattBlack (via the Pension Plan Puppets FTB links roundup) recommended to all Leaf fans a reading of the comments in the Silver Seven Sens game thread. It is sage and wise advice, gratefully accepted and immediately productive this morning of several out-loud guffaws hereabouts. The game thread is a written record of the comments made by those inhabiting the Senators-themed blog thread dedicated to the Senators/Leafs game on Saturday night. The Senators, of course, came into the night with high expectations. Rested and rolling (they had Friday night off and were on an 11-game win streak), they and their fans looked forward to making some sort of a claim to bragging rights in this year’s version of the Battle of Ontario. By comparison, in the previous day or so, the Leafs had travelled to and from Newark, had there put in 57 solid minutes of work before coughing up 3 goals in as many minutes to lose 4-3 in heartbreaking fashion, and had received news of the passing of their General Manager’s son. Happily for all fans of the Blue and White, it was the Leafs who showed up ready for the most recent installment of the Battle of Ontario. They ran the Senators out of the building, quickly and efficiently, much to the despair of Senators fans everywhere. Following along with the game’s progress in the aforementioned game thread is an exercise in comparative anthropology: whereas ordinary human beings experience “reality”, we are able to learn that Senators fans enjoy a rich and imaginative fantasy world of their own invention. In this charming, but barely recognizable version of the world :
It was only one game. One game in another lost season; one game against a (recently) struggling Eastern Conference opponent and their backup goaltender. Still, tonight’s 3-0 Leaf victory finally gave more than a little reason for hope to long-suffering Leaf fans. There was a goaltender in our net who made saves and who seemed confident about it. There was a beast of defenceman, Phaneuf, thumping offensive interlopers. Nikolai Kulemin was driving to the net, taking the puck through the middle of the ice decisively and in such a way as to create some worried moments for opposition defenders. Frederik Sjostrom showed some determination and self-sacrifice on the penalty kill and – for what may be the first time this year, at least for a Maple Leaf defender – forcing an opposition defenseman to abort the plan to shoot and dump off a “second-best” pass instead. There was a power play goal from Francois Beauchemin. More generally, for the very first time this year, our team came out ready to play from the opening faceoff. If this trade has changed nothing else but the Leafs’ alarming tendency to tentatively piss away at least the first ten minutes of every game, frequently surrendering the lead and always ceding the momentum, it will have been worth it. It was only one game; there are no guarantees that this widespread improvement will last. A lot of the numbers suggest that there are still lots of difficult times ahead for a Maple Leafs time that has little by way of personnel on the forward lines who have proven they can score in the NHL (at least beyond Phil Kessel). The goaltender’s performance has been trending downwards for a while, and the defence have struggled to shut the door on a consistent basis. All of these things demand that one keep perspective and remember that you cannot infer the existence of a trend from a small sample size of data. It was only one game. For the first time this year, though, I felt like watching one Leaf game tonight wasn’t enough. ——— As an aside, shoutouts to eyebleaf of Sports in the City who (fittingly enough) headed off for a lengthy trip to India earlier this evening. I say “fittingly enough” because eye has been one of the few consistently positive voices in the Barilkosphere; there is something fitting about eye beginning a lengthy holiday on the very day that hope seemed to walk in the front door of the Air Canada Centre for the first time in a long time. After working so diligently over the last couple of years to ensure that at least some of us can see the bright side of things, eye can finally move on to other adventures. Safe travels, brother, you will be missed in these parts, but we look forward to your return. A huge day for the Toronto Maple Leafs today: they traded Matt Stajan, Nik Hagman, Ian White and Jamal Mayers to Calgary for Dion Phaneuf, Fredrik Sjostrom and Keith Aulie. Stajan, White and Mayers are all on expiring contracts, so they are essentially rentals. Hagman has two years to go on an economical 3 million dollar deal for a streaky but reliable goal scorer. That was a huge deal. My preliminary evaluation is that the trade reeks of desperation on the part of Darryl Sutter. He has overpaid for a couple of scoring forwards in a desperate attempt to turn the Flames’ ship around and make a run for the Cup while they have the core (Iginla, Kiprussof and Bouwmeester) signed up. Calgary is tied for third worst in the Western Conference at 143 goals for; turning to two players from the 29th place team in the league for help, and giving up a 24 year old potential franchise player-calibre asset for three rentals and a streaky scorer in the process, is a recipe for disaster. Darryl Sutter has just gone all in; this move combined with the Olli Jokinen trade last year may well cost him his job. Heck, he might have to move out of Calgary if Phaneuf re-acquires half of the potential he showed in his first couple of years in the league. Even more remarkably, however, Brian Burke managed to unload Vesa Toskala the Incompetent and Jason Blake – the world’s most expensive and energetic hamster – for J.S. Giguere. I am at a loss to understand how Bob Murray steels himself to approach the microphone and announce to the press gathered for Ducks news that he has traded for Vesa fucking Toskala. The only explanation that makes any sense at all is that his team plays in Anaheim and nobody – himself possibly included – really cares about hockey. As for how these trades affect the Maple Leafs, my analysis is posted over at Maple Leafs Hot Stove. Click on over there for the full details, but my general sense is that these moves make sense and represent positive steps towards the ultimate goal of icing a competitive team. It isn’t going to happen this year or possibly even next, but everything that happened today is consistent with the over-riding objectives I identified in my article about the rebuild for the Maple Leafs Annual last summer. Update: I just realized something else…Brian Burke didn’t just make a bunch of trades, IT’S FREEDOM 55 DAY!!!  This and the #35 should hang flaming from the ACC rafters.
I went down to the Leafs/Kings game at the Air Canada Centre last night with my Dad. I’ll wait a moment or two while you make whatever derogatory, insulting and completely justified remarks about the woeful performance of the Blue and White. (taps foot. scratches ear. coughs. looks at watch. scratches ear again. yawns. checks email. still scratching ear. you done yet? cracks knuckles…) Well, that took some time but I’m glad we got it out of the way. Very inventive use of profanity by you, by the way; you have a special gift. Your mother must be so proud! To summarize, then: the Leafs’ recent performance ranks somewhere on the acceptability scale between “cannibalism” and “child pornography”; let us all agree that the Buds’ bed is now well and truly shat and – though it’s only late January – this has to be seen as another lost season. I’ll have more to say about the reasons I think these things have happened and I hope to get into some discussion about the future too, but for now I want to give MLSE props where props are due. I can hear the yowls of protest from the talk radio haters now; what good could possibly be said about MLSE? Everybody (well, at least everybody who calls into talk radio shows) knows that MLSE is a soulless corporate behemoth, one that greedily hoards every spare cent for the Pension Plan, right? Everybody knows that the greed of ownership is the reason the Leafs always suck, right? And everybody knows that’ll never change because the suits don’t have any incentive to ice a competitive team when they’re making money hand over fist already, right? Except that the truth is more complicated than that. As for basic economics and the impetus to compete, this myth has been compellingly debunked elsewhere by a commentator no less cynical than Sean at Down Goes Brown. Some pretty compelling arguments have been made that the notion of the perennial mediocrity of the Leafs is about as firmly grounded in fact as that of unicorn-riding leprachauns (read the piece by daoust at Pension Plan Puppets). As for the heartless greed of MLSE, consider this: last night, MLSE and the Leafs arranged to collect funds from fans entering the building for relief of those affected by the recent earthquake in Haiti. Typical, right, MLSE reaching into your wallet for your dollars, all the while cackling maniacally on a giant stack of their own money, right? Except that the Leafs were matching every dollar collected threefold; that’s right, for every dollar collected from fans attending the game last night, MLSE is chipping in three bucks of their own for the emergency relief fund. Apparently, the Leafs did the same thing at a Marlies game on the 23rd and a Raptors game on the 24th. This doesn’t appear to me to be an attempt to grab some cheap publicity; I wasn’t able to find any reference online to how much the promotion raised, though I did find the newspaper stories and press release announcing MLSE’s intentions to do the fundraiser. None of the MLSE Twitter feeds make any reference to how much money was raised, according to a search I did earlier tonight. I’m going to try and contact MLSE tomorrow to see if they can confirm the results. I’d also like to find out whether that money is going to be funnelled through a charity to which the federal government’s matching program applies – which would effectively convert every dollar handed over by the fans into eight bucks in the hands of relief organizations in the quake zone. Incidentally, I learned about the Leafs’ efforts in this regard from the big boss himself; when I entered the Air Canada Centre with my Dad for the game at around 6:20, Brian Burke himself was at the front door, schlepping a coffee can for donations. Say what you will about the way Burke is running the team; go ahead and criticize the way his rebuild plan for the hockey club is unfolding. Whatever you feel about either of those things, you’d have to agree that it takes some flat out balls for the General Manager of a Maple Leafs team that’s on its way to missing the playoffs for a fifth consecutive year to stand right there in the lobby, look the paying customers in the eye as they come through the turnstiles, and ask them to pitch in for an excellent charitable cause. When I spoke to him, he was careful to tell me that MLSE was kicking in the extra matching funds, and he seemed genuinely interested when I told him about the fundraising efforts that the crew at Pension Plan Puppets recently made. The Leafs have rightly taken a lot of heat for their performance on the ice this year. Give them their due when it comes to community responsibility and good corporate citizenship. |
I wrote an article for the Maple Leafs Annual 2009-2010. Click on the image below for details.
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