Matthew has a discussion going on about “the scene you hate” in the movies; you know, the one that’s technically inaccurate, or logically inconsistent, or logistically impossible, or some combination of all of these.
There were already over 130 comments when I checked earlier this morning (! – apparently this sort of thing strikes a chord with a LOT of people, especially any scene having to do with computer “hackers”). I couldn’t believe it, but my own pet-peeve movie scene had not yet been mentioned. Here’s what I posted:
The car-racing scene, in which the hero and his rival blast along at high speed and the director cuts back and forth between close-ups of their faces, with gritted teeth. They are neck and neck as they approach the finish line (or improbably narrow alleyway down which only one of the cars will fit) until one of the characters gets the bright idea to PUSH THE ACCELERATOR ALL THE WAY TO THE FLOOR and he zooms ahead into the distance. WTF? It didn’t occur to you to floor it already?
Particularly obnoxious in this regard were the 2 Fast 2 Furious movies, as they invented completely new nitrous-oxide related ways to use this ridiculous scene.
While tapping out the another comment related specifically to the movie “Volcano”, I had to check to make sure I had the title of this absolutely horrid movie correct, so I naturally popped over to check the entry for Volcano on imdb.com; there’s a line there indicating that “[t]his plot synopsis is empty. Add a synopsis”.
I swear, I spent about twenty minutes trying to figure out how to post a reply to that message that implored the so-called “writers” of the movie to first “add a plot”, following which I would consider synopsizing same.
Near the end of Jurassic Park, the girl turns on the computer and exclaims, “Oh, it’s UNIX!” Right.
Really, it’s the whole reason for the ____ Movie franchise (Scary Movie, Date Movie etc.) to exist — so many cliched moments to ridicule, so little time.
I find that the more movies I watch the more critical I become — growing up where I did (twenty miles from the nearest theater) we watched maybe a movie a year until I was in my mid-teens and I consequently forgave a lot of trash parading across the screen. But now that figgy’s in the picture, we watch far fewer movies (I know we’ve seen some since then, but it hit me with renewed force that Return of the King was released FOUR YEARS AGO recently) and so my tolerance level has been somewhat rebuilt (hence the ____ Movie franchise remarks).
If you think what makes it on screen is ridiculous you should see some of the sh_t that is in the original scripts. And for that matter you should see some of the ridiculous sh_t that goes on behind the scenes. Mr. M. Meyers comes to mind. I mean really, additional air conditioning at the ACC, at ice level?! Sheeeesh.
But my all time favourite scene that should tell all viewers that there was too much money wasted on other scenes and gift baskets goes a little like this:
The whole of the movie has been filled with magnificent production value, special effects and beautiful scenery until… the end or near end car chase. In this chase the conclusion will most likely conclude in a construction site. Now depending on how much money was wasted earlier in the filming of the movie, a few items will be present.
First, you can damn well guarantee that there will be a good ol’ pile of dirt! The size of this pile of dirt is in direct relation to how much money was wasted earlier on cast dinners and gift baskets to their agents. The more money wasted, the smaller the pile. One great example (though occurring chronologically earlier in the movie, it was filmed near the end of the production schedule) is the pile of dirt that is precariously placed on a very clean road that allows a slowly moving car to somehow gain air and squash the kid for whom Greg Kinnear and Rebecca Romijn are in mourning in the DeNiro Blockbuster Godsend or should I say God-awful.
If a little bit more money has been saved, chances are that there will be some very nice boxes at said construction site. Again, more money saved means printing on the boxes or even wooded crates!
If the production was really crafty with the way it cooked the books… er should I say saved money, you may even find a Backhoe or a Front-end loader if the Picture Car Captain has been kind enough to strike a “great deal” with the company that is renting it to the production… oh yeah and that company happens to be owned by said captain.
But don’t forget that during all car chases every car seems to have an endless number of gears to change into. Listen the next time you watch a movie and count the number of gear changes that occur during the “chase” Then think of the number of gears shifts that you make getting on the highway, while cruising and getting off.
Anyway that’s my beef and uh oh here comes another pile of dirt!
SCREEEEEECH!
You know, I was wondering about that “construction site” aesthetic two nights ago when Spouse and I were watching 16 Blocks, which seemed to be pretty decent for nine or ten blocks and then just bogged down in a cliched hostage standoff at – you guessed it – a “construction site”. I had to laugh when the bad guy cops were radioing each other about Bruce Willis’ location, they just said “the construction site on [such and such] St.”, revealing the paucity of the writers’ (yes, plural, I have no doubt this movie was “written” by committee) imagination: they couldn’t even come up with a NAME for this place, and instead had the cops just refer to it generically.
I’m going to have to try that gear change thing, and also hang a little tighter with movie folk to make sure I get some of that SWAG.
You’ll get the next Roots Show logo sweater that I get… or maybe I can find that pink 3/4 Tee Shirt that I got from Lars and the Real Girl somewhere.