Project “C’est Something Nice” continues, and you folk are starting to get the hang of this; there are some heart-warming sentiments being expressed. Remember, we’re shooting for a hundred burns rays of sunshine to send to our rivals. As of right now, we Leaf fans have been able to identify 15 positive things to say about the upcoming Montreal Canadiens’ season.
But Habs fans need more love. Oh yes, yes. Much more. Get out your virtual poison pens, people, and leave us a couple more zingers condolence messages in the comments below, won’t you?
Again, in the spirit of things, I offer my third contribution to the collection. Here it is:
Montreal Canadiens expected to receive numerous Oscar nominations for upcoming documentary feature film starring GM Bob Gainey: “Honey, I Shrunk the Habs.”
My God, I'm a Genius With the 'Shops. No?
Update, Friday morning: That’s it, you folks are getting the hang of it, keep ’em coming. Tell your friends too! Here’s my fourth contribution to the project:
Canadiens’ travel/accomodation costs expected to significantly decline as Gomez, Cammalleri and Gionta room together on the road: Mikey in the bottom bunk, Scotty on the top, Brian in a dresser drawer.
Finally, someone will be able to verify the rumour that catching a Leprechaun means that you get his pot of gold. Is this Mr. Gainey’s way of trying to secure funds for his own economic bail-out? One pot of gold is nice but a roster’s worth is just downright saintly! Your country thanks you Bob!
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit, that’s awesome.
I can totally see newly-minted Senator Al Franken getting behind this project- it will deepen the connections between Canada and the US and also strengthen the already deep ties that the upper midwest has to hockey. The sequel could be “Stuart Smalley Cracks the Habs Line-up”.
At least they still have that freshly-built $36-million dollar state-of-the-art practice facility that they can use to develop future superstars like Guillaume Latendresse and PK Subban!
I thought of another one.
People will flock from all over to see the amazing feats of little people getting pounded into submission by playing a big man’s game. So Montreal’s tourism industry is set to do big business!
The traditional culture of freak-shows at carnivales will be brought back to life in Montreal with a first period intermission midget hockey skills and dwarf-tossing competition. The owner of Cirque de Soleil will join forces with Celine Dion, buy the Habs and take them on the carnie circuit in the summer.
Instant Canadian economy stimulus. Those workers that make the ‘little people’ shoes with one sole thicker than the other will be back in business.
PPP just tweeted me this one:
Habs fans will be treated to hijinks of Lollipop Guild on each other’s shoulders in one big trench coat trying to get into clubs
The Canadiens will bo so tiny, the only team they’ll manage to beat is us! Haw! … Waitaminnit…
Innovations in fan etiquette at the Bell Centre: fans prohibited from celebrating hat tricks in the conventional manner. You know, to avoid accidentally trapping one of the star forwards under a ball cap.
There is certainly great news in Montreal this year- it’ll be another century before they can have such an epic fail of a 100-year anniversary season.
The beer at the Bell Centre may be crappy, but it is expensive, too!
The Montreal Canadiens: making ASCII art easy for everyone! “l…” = a picture of Gill, Gomez, Cammalleri and Gionta.
My submission is a little different, it’s actually a story about the greatest ‘tribute’ to the history of the Canadiens that I’ve heard of.
In the late 90’s I ran into an old friend, and rabid Leaf fan, who I hadn’t seen in years. He had lived in Montreal for a while and used to go to the Forum after games had already started, get cheap standing room tickets and make his way as close to the ice as he could to heckle Habs players. We used to call him Coach, and although this story might seem a bit far fetched, he is probably the one guy I’ve known who I think would be capable of this. This is roughly how our conversation went:
Me: So Coach, what have you been up to?
Coach: Actually, I’ve been working on a novel.
Me: Really? What kind of novel?
Coach: It’s kind of a hockey book. You know that the Habs moved to a new arena a few years ago, well my book is about the ghosts of the old Forum just hanging around the empty Forum and that kind of thing.
Me: Umm, that sounds interesting.(thinking ‘Isn’t this the guy who used to hurl insults at little kids wearing Habs gear on the street?’)
Coach: Yeah, so for instance the ghost of (former Habs great) is a drunken wife beater and the ghost of (another Habs great) is a pedophile.
Me: (stunned silence)
Coach: I’ve got about seven hundred pages so far but I’d like to edit it down to a more manageable five hundred or so.
Me: (stunned silence)
Coach: What?
Me: You wrote a 700 page novel that does nothing but slander legendary Canadiens?
Coach: Yes.
Me: I’m not queer or anything like that, but can I kiss you on the mouth?
Anyway, I didn’t ever see any of the book and I haven’t seen him since then. Tried looking him up a few times with no luck.
Happy Centennial Habs!
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