There are unconfirmed reports out of tinseltown tonight of plans to film a remake of the sixties spaghetti western classic “For a Few Dollars More”. The new project, which will be an extremely low-budget affair – indeed, some would say the budget would be a mere fraction of the original – will reportedly star noted amateur Buffalo private limousine critic and Chicago Blackhawks winger Patrick Kane. Fans are expected to queue up to see this one, despite the somewhat unusual $13.80 anticipated admission price.
In related news (and from the “of course he is” department), it turns out that Patrick Kane’s lawyer is a porn king.
Astonishingly, only one of the two above factoids is completely made up. (h/t to Torontosportsmedia for the apparently true one).
Meanwhile, I can’t help but think that this whole ugly incident could have been avoided if either Kane or taxi driver Jan Radecki had only opened up an account at the First Citiwide Change Bank before that fateful night:
We are not going to give you change that you don’t want. If you come to us with a hundred-dollar bill, we’re not going to give you two-thousand nickels – unless that meets your particular change needs. We will give you… the change… equal to… the amount of money… that you want change for!
As a side note, I can’t help but notice that Kane’s hockey-reference.com page is still available to willing sponsors. The price? See for yourself.
You can’t make this shit up, people. In the end, I was powerless to resist the obvious entreaty of the universe to make with the Visa card already. I snapped it up; I am, of course, hoping to sell it to someone for $13.80, exact change only please.
I have already submitted to Hockey Reference LLC the caption I want placed on the page, but I’d love to hear what you lot can come up with. Leave ’em in the comments below, gang… and meanwhile let’s see if they “approve” the one I submitted. If yours is better than the one I chose, I’ll be more than happy to replace my selection.
DGB, I believe they’re playing your cue music…