Winter Sports Department

How to slide

What does it say about the litigiousness of our modern world when a Krazy Karpet – a flexible slab of low friction plastic designed to function as a high-speed/low-safety vehicle for suicidal northern children – comes with a warning label affixed to it?

Lawyers know how to bleed the fun out of absolutely fucking anything, I swear.  I mean honestly, a label on a Krazy Karpet ought not to read, under any circumstances, “Do not use…on steep slopes or in icy conditions.”  Also, the fact that the sentence “[u]nder certain conditions the product will develop high speed which may cause loss of control” proves that the author of said label either fails completely to understand that this is in fact the very purpose of the Krazy Karpet or is just having some shits and giggles.   Also amusing are the mis-spelling of “injury” and the apparent exhortation to “do NOW tow with any vehicle”, which gives some (I suspect) unintentional urgency to the commencement of daredevil sliding, whatever the available means of locomotion.

Spouse and I purchased a couple of these little deathtraps at the local Canadian Tire.  Our purpose was to navigate the previously uncharted (well, previously unslid) slopes of Mt. Popeye, in the northern portion of Juniorvania.  Spouse attempted the first run.

Going up the hill. Note the lack of helmet.

Maybe we should have chosen an area with fewer trees. Except there is no such place.

Watch out for that tree.

Despite the proximity of the native flora, Spouse walked away unscathed from her initial run. We later designated this area as the “bunny hill.”

Spouse heads back for more.

Feeling confident, I attempted a voyage down the eastern face;  it’s a “black diamond” run known locally as “The Widowmaker”.  Spouse’s aspect visibly brightened when she learned the name of the run;  funny, that.

The ski patrol was on alert.

Junior experiences operational difficulties.

Most of my attempts looked like that.  Whatever my skills as a tobogganer though, I was dedicated;  Spouse and I were at it for the better part of forty minutes, I would say.  Then, at the end of an arduous session of play, I headed back to the house with a song in my heart.  And sixteen pounds of snow in my underwear.

The key is to bring the fun home with you.