HiR:tb Toots (@warwalker)

Setting the Bead With Fire: A Tractor Story

The boy on the right may have a dangerous idiot for a father.

Had you seen me, ’round about six o’clock in the evening on Sunday, heading in the general direction of the People’s Lawn Tractor with a gas can, some matches and a distinct air of purpose about me – well, no one […]

Am I Too Late to Enter the Toronto International Film Festival?

Much of the weekend was spent gathering things together that must be here when Furious G arrives. Of course, one of the things he’ll need is a stylin’ ride, so we dropped some Benjamins on a pretty wicked l’il swing contraption. It does pretty much everything except make pizza (unless I missed that page […]

Posts From the Big (Yellow) Chair

I don’t know anything about this Foursquare business, except that it’s some sort of application that people notify about their whereabouts in an effort to earn badges about things. To this, I say, “Badges? We don’t need no stinkin’ badges.”

Also, I humbly submit that yours truly is the Mayor of one place right now: […]


I didn’t make it through yesterday. Home early, alternately baking and freezing, nose and eyes a wellspring of all manner of unending and disgusting fluids.

Getting sober is nоt еаѕу tаѕk. It соmеѕ with its uрѕ and dоwnѕ аnd a lоt оf hаrd work. Wіth аlmоѕt 60 реrсеnt of sober реорlе еxреrіеnсіng relapse, it’s nо […]

Stinky Tim’s, a Called Shot and Spouse

Last evening, I had to take a trip in to Cambridge to pick up some suits that I had purchased there a couple of days before. Spouse had been off work for most of Monday and all of Tuesday (she has apparently spontaneously developed a case of the Bubonic Plague). She claimed, despite the occasional […]

Dreams of Grandeur

Newest Leaf Prospect?

Spouse advises that she had a most interesting dream last night: she skated for the Toronto Maple Leafs of the National Hockey League.

In real life, she has never before played a game of hockey. (This last fact, I have only just learned, and am determined to remedy somehow.) In the […]

I Love the Smell of Egg Nog in the Morning

I have been pre-occupied with issues of civil defense, ever since the brazen assassination attempt of Sunday last. Clearly, Juniorvanian security forces must be augmented if peace, order and good government are to be domestically restored. Accordingly, although the Government of Juniorvania prefers the dove over the hawk, it is quite clear that the dove […]

Menagerie: Rogue Snake Department

Judging by the beret, this particular criminal must be French.

Let’s play a little game, shall we? Why don’t you tell me what species of reptile you see coiled in the leaves in the picture below. I should mention that the little cretin was, um, what’s the word, “rattling” his tail when discovered. By […]

Morning Visitors, Evening Intruder

I was up early Sunday morning and in a bit of a half-sleep reverie when it occurred to me that – most unusually – there was rather a lot of noise outside my bedroom window.

When you get right down to it, I sleep about eighty-five feet from the edge of a cornfield, often indoors. […]

Requiem for Popeye: 1993-2009

How do you say goodbye to a friend?

Last night, Spouse and I were awake a little later than usual; she was idly catching up with some Facebook friends, and I had my nose buried in my newly arrived Maple Leafs Annual. Popeye got up from his usual resting place – in front of the […]