Setting the Bead With Fire: A Tractor Story

Had you seen me, ’round about six o’clock in the evening on Sunday, heading in the general direction of the People’s Lawn Tractor with a gas can, some matches and a distinct air of purpose about me – well, no one would have blamed you for feeling a little uneasy.  That vague sense of foreboding […]

May Day: Let the Chores Begin

Saturday was spent recuperating from the demands of another work week in my usual fashion:  in the manner of a cultured and intelligent philosopher king.  Specifically, I was camped out on the couch in front of the television soaking in about seven hours of NHL hockey. Dedicating myself to torpor and sloth meant for the […]

We’re Ready Now, Santa!

Did you know that Santa has some helper elves in Florida?  And did you know that Santa’s sun-worshipping assistants are in charge of ensuring that all power yard equipment is properly prepared to celebrate the Yuletide festivities? It’s true. On Saturday the 13th, Spouse and I hosted the office Christmas party.  What preceded the party, […]

Leading by Trailing

Oh, I really have been a bad blogger, and a bad Internet friend.  Looking at the two previous posts, it occurs to me that I’ve posted exactly once in something like 45 days.  That’s not good.  No, that just won’t do. You know the excuse is coming.  I will try to make it brief.  If […]

The Cats and the Hats

I’m going to interrupt my own fishing story here to mention two unrelated things. First, the Ticats lost to the Roughriders on Saturday afternoon, but miracle of miracles, the Tabbies were in the game right up until the end against the Grey Cup Champs. Games in which the hometown side meaningfully participates have been kind […]

Mission: Accomplished. No, Not THAT One.

I am sorry to keep you in suspense about the maiden voyage of the JMV* Eradicator and the fate of its brave pilot. You will understand that this has been an important epoch in Juniorvanian history, a matter of utmost importance to National Security, and that radio silence has, accordingly, been the order of the […]

Stout Hearted and Enthusiastic

“With stout hearts, and with enthusiasm for the contest, let us go forward to victory.” – Viscount Montgomery, to his troops on the eve of the D-Day invasion, which was not delayed by rain. First there was this: Then there was this: Now, there is this: A lesser man might assume that the fact that […]

One Tractor, With All The Fixins

Going from a one-and-a-half storey house with a shared driveway and a lawn that could be re-sodded with sprigs of parsley to the sprawling pastoral beauty of Juniorvania was bound to mean that a much more substantial portion of our lives was going to be consumed by mowing. We were, accordingly, excited to obtain (in […]

But Can It Do a Wheelie?

Spouse and I implemented the Juniorvanian National Plan for Tractor Reconstruction today, which is to say that we headed off to the local John Deere dealer and plunked down a fat wad of cash for one of these bad boys: It is a John Deere X300 lawn tractor. I have to admit that I am […]

There are No Small Engines; Just Small Minds

I know you are dying for an update on the People’s Lawn Tractor. I would have posted it yesterday, but I was busy being a miserable prick. That is mostly because things were not going well with the People’s Lawn Tractor. That business about it not starting on Saturday evening, mid-way through the cut? The […]