HiR:tb Toots (@warwalker)

But Can It Do a Wheelie?

Spouse and I implemented the Juniorvanian National Plan for Tractor Reconstruction today, which is to say that we headed off to the local John Deere dealer and plunked down a fat wad of cash for one of these bad boys:


It is a John Deere X300 lawn tractor. I have to admit that I am irrationally excited about owning any sort of vehicle with an “X” in the model number; I haven’t read the brochure or marketing materials through thoroughly, but I am relatively certain that with a name like that, it flies and comes equipped with lasers and submachine guns.

And a beverage holder.

6 comments to But Can It Do a Wheelie?

  • Doug

    BBQ and 19″ Plasma?

  • …are optional equipment. Christmas is coming, dude!

  • I have often pondered the need for headlamps on such tractors, as the pursuits accomplished upon them seem to require the simultaneous blazing fire of the sun (thus the need for the beverage holder and snack tray). It becomes clear: they are there merely to camouflage the hidden doors of delightful justice, wherein all manner of (surely defensive) gadgetry may be concealed.

    Have I mentioned that I tend to pick up the writing style of books I read? I can’t recommend that darn book enough.

  • geezer

    i assume this is the new hybrid model that runs on fuel generated by decaying grass thus negating the need to import foreign oil and gas to Juniorvania?

  • @geez:

    Sadly, no – though some of our best scientists are working on a plan to power all equipment with twigs and fallen leaves, two commodities in plentiful supply locally.


    Do not publish Juniorvanian defence secrets on teh Intarwebs, or the attack tractor (the JD X300, or “Grasshopper” as it is known in military circles) will be deployed upon you; think Blue Thunder meets King of the Hill

  • […] June 3rd, 2008 by junior in Quotable Quotes Spouse and I took time out from our busy schedule of tractor buying, house cleaning and raccoon fighting to tour the gardens at Canning Perennials on Saturday. Canning […]