HiR:tb Toots (@warwalker)

Mission: Accomplished. No, Not THAT One.

I am sorry to keep you in suspense about the maiden voyage of the JMV* Eradicator and the fate of its brave pilot. You will understand that this has been an important epoch in Juniorvanian history, a matter of utmost importance to National Security, and that radio silence has, accordingly, been the order of the day.

Now that the critical moments have passed, I don’t think it’s telling tales out of school if I confirm that:

  • our brave pilot has returned from the historic mission;
  • he still has the standard issue compement of phalanges, both upper and lower;
  • the combat vehicle appears largely intact, though its surfaces are now somewhat obscured by a significant mass of dismembered vegetation; and
  • flight specialists and technicians are believed to be reviewing the video footage retrieved from the onboard “pilot cam” system and examining it to gather intelligence for future missions.

It is possible that the public relations officer for the Juniorvanian Ministry of Science, Industry and Exploration may well authorize release to the public of some (no doubt heavily edited) such footage. Interested persons are asked to continue consulting this website for updated information as it becomes available.

In other news, despite the heightened security hereabouts, there was an interstellar tourist in Juniorvania this weekend. Calling himself “Richard”, a fellow from the planet Lummox (previously sighted only in the vicinity of fishing vacation hideaways) alighted on Juniorvanian ground Saturday afternoon. Diplomatic relations were quickly established, with the alien visitor very kindly presenting the traditional offering of greetings (for Lummoxes) of bamboo (five shoots; health!), bratwurst and sauerkraut. High-ranking Juniorvanian officials held an audience with the visiting Richard, and learned much about the employment customs of his people. Evidently, it is customary for Lummoxian companies to hire individuals for the purpose of completing a project to which no resources are devoted and for which all necessary approvals are, accordingly, withheld. In order to expedite the accomplishment of absolutely nothing, it is thought to be beneficial for many people to be fired, downsized, or lose their job as part of an advertising promotion, leaving the project managers with no staff, no direct supervision, no budget, and no authorization to proceed with the task at hand.


* “JMV” = “Juniorvanian Mowing Vehicle”

2 comments to Mission: Accomplished. No, Not THAT One.

  • Having spent four years being a budget drone I’m still mystified by the allocation process; whether or not there are funds available, if someone has deemed said personnel/items/system/project critical, it will be paid for, somehow, magically. Furthermore, in my nearly six years here I’ve only seen two people actually removed from their jobs; you could be a troll dwelling under a bridge and, so long as you produce some sort of recognizable product (eating billy goats gruff) you’re in no immediate danger.

  • I hear you. There are a few folk around our shop that don’t even manage to eat the billy goats; some might argue that they scare them away so the rest of us monsters go hungry. More than once, I have felt that Adam Smith’s invisible hand is very distinctly shooting me the finger.