HiR:tb Toots (@warwalker)

Like “Brewster’s Millions”, But Less Plausible…

This is how I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that print journalism must be anachronistic, irrelevant and doomed:  I have been asked to write a piece on the Leafs for publication in an actual hold-it-in-your-hand, you-could-drop-that-thing-and-bruise-a-toe book.   And get this:  I am told that I will be getting paid to do this thing.  From this latter fact, I conclude that the publishers of this tome are almost certainly lunatic immigrant millionaires with a tenuous-to-non-existent grasp on the English language.  Believing that they are allergic to money,  I suspect they have resolved to rid themselves of the cursed lucre in the most pro-social way possible;  by contributing to the publication of a well-respected and important medical journal filled with scholarly research.  I just pray someone has a camera when these well-meaning but misguided philanthropists are presented with the finished product – I foresee an instant and compelling portrait of blinking uncomprehension and, quite possibly, some feces throwing.

I can’t give out a lot of details at the moment, mostly because I don’t want you to steal this gig from me, but rest assured I will be pimping the book like a madman once it has been brought into existence.   As much as you are now staring at the screen, cursing the rotten luck that leaves you bereft of detail, I can promise you that you will someday remember fondly the happy times before this godforsaken book was mentioned by me in every sentence.

I’ll bet you can’t wait to be that unhappy.  In the meantime, I am busy trying to figure out how the hell I am going to manage to get everything done that I will need to:  for example, not only do I now have to find the time to research and write the piece, if I am going to be a writer I also have to make sure that I spend the correct amount of time bellyaching about how making the deadline is going to be a bitch and so on.  I guess this post is a pretty good start on that.  I must be a quick learner.

All kidding aside, I do have some degree of concern about taking on yet another project:  at present, for those of you keeping track, I am (theoretically) in the middle of:

And those are just the projects I’ve blogged about!  I also have it in my mind to convert some old VHS video to digital (I spent a large part of last Saturday wondering why I haven’t yet converted my copy of Leafs/Kings Game 7 in ’93 to an iPod-friendly format so that I can watch it whenever I feel the urge.   This, as much as it may be a cry for help,  is not a lie.)   There are also three or four crates of old vinyl LPs that are practically begging for my attention, so much of my (formerly?) beloved music desperate to enter the 21st century at last.

Anyway, no doubt some of my time tippy-tapping away at my article will take away somewhat from the time I have available to examine my navel here for your benefit;  you must be devastated, I can tell.  I have to say, though, that over the last week or so, I’ve enjoyed spending a few minutes in front of the blank screen with the cursor blinking and a hundred poopy jokes wanting to be written.  I guess I’m having fun writing, and I’ve pushed back a little bit at the multi-armed time-eating monster that my job has recently become.  I have been forcing myself to make just a little bit of time to sit here and flap my virtual gums at you, and it has made me feel a bit better, so I am going to try (see the list of projects above) to keep it up.

Seriously, stop laughing at me.


Note:  The Spitfires lost to Brampton last night 4-2.  I recorded the game via Freecorder, loaded it on to my iPod then carefully avoided hearing about the score;  I listened to the game after I went to bed at around 11:30.  About two hours later, I was bummed out – and sleepy.   Anyway, Dad and I won’t be seeing the Spits claim the Championship Trophy tomorrow night in Brampton;  I just hope I haven’t jinxed them too badly.  We want another W!

7 comments to Like “Brewster’s Millions”, But Less Plausible…

  • Well … Bleak House is done, I went on to David Copperfield, emboldened by the experiment in digital reading, and am now roughly 70% of the way through Anna Karenina — who knew that the motivating factor for reading such works would be the word “free”?

    My next projects involve butchering some Canon lenses and possibly using the DMG I picked up in a thrift some weeks ago for something other than Dr. Mario.

  • What did you think of David Copperfield, Mike? That’s my favourite Dickens novel: everybody seems to respond to Mr. Micawber (and I did too) but the characters I remember most are Barkis (who’s “willin'”, I understand) and Uriah Heep (and not just because of the rock band that took this name.)

    It occurs to me, actually, that “Barkis” could be a good name for a rapper. First album name: “Barkis is willin’…” I’m just giving these million dollar ideas away for free here, people.

    I forced myself not to read the details of the lens reconstruction too closely – I don’t think it’s a good idea for my brain to know that stuff like that can happen. The chipmusic idea also seems interesting – almost too interesting, actually. I take it the tunes only play back on the DMG – do you have the technology to digitize an audio recording of your work? If so, I’d love to hear what you come up with.

  • Congrats on the writing gig, and good luck.

    And wanting to watch LA/Leafs game 7 is torture, bro. Don’t do that to yourself. Please!

  • eye: Thanks for the good wishes. And re: game 7 – I was there. Believe it or not, it is still generally a positive memory for me (even though it is an obvious reminder of an opportunity cruelly missed). It was also a great game (except for the ending, of course.)

  • For roughly 75% of the book I was convinced that Micawber was well-meaning, but an incompetent fool, dragged hither and yon by his naivete. I particularly liked the strong female characters — Peggotty and the Aunt; no mere shrinking violets, able to judge people incisively.

    I’m not sure how the line-in works on this computer — I know it must, but it’s eluded me thus far. Will continue to work on it.

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