Life in Juniorvania

Quickly, a few things.

Today was the occasion of the first commute to work since the great migration. I have to confess I had some anxiety about this aspect of our move; formerly, we were able to log a twenty minute door-to-door trip to get to work, which definitely had its advantages (I can almost hear Mike comparing his own daily trip, jaw dropped in wonder that anyone would willingly prolong their daily travels as Spouse and I have done.) Anyway, our daily trip figured to be anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour each way. Knowing how long others commute each day, I felt a little silly even thinking about it, but I still wondered how Spouse and I would react to that kind of change to our daily routine – I guess it was a little “fear of the unknown” kind of thing. Anyway, our maiden voyage to the salt mines clocked in at just under 50 minutes from the moment that we got in the car in the driveway. That includes a couple of minutes to get the People’s Transportation unstuck from the glorious frozen Juniorvanian mud in the driveway (we had quite a cold spell move through the area overnight), and time spent walking from our parking space to the Building of Endless Toil.

Bottom line: it wasn’t bad at all. Spouse and I were both breathing a little easier, I think, when we proved to ourselves that we could do it and that it wouldn’t be that painful. This travel time is a price we can pay for the pastoral beauty of residing in Juniorvania.

The unpacking/home arranging is coming along apace. Spouse and I were making some changes in the mud/laundry room on Monday afternoon that involved putting up some shelves. Knowing that the People’s Department of Public Works would be so engaged on Monday, Sunday was spent largely in a frantic search through all available unpacked boxes for the cordless power drill/screwdriver set that I got for Christmas a couple of years ago. Monday was the day for this gift to truly shine, but its whereabouts were sadly unknown. I exulted Sunday night, and I’ll admit it, I even danced around a little bit in the kitchen when my multiple Cousteau-ian descents into the packing cartons jammed in our storage room were rewarded and I was able to locate the errant power tool. Joy quickly turned to despair on Monday afternoon when I realized that the battery pack that drives the thing for some reason now holds only enough charge to drive approximately 1.5 inch and a half long screws. Change of plan, power tools are for wimps, time to go the manual route.

It arose from under the cardboard boxes…

…and re-attached itself to the Grid!  It lives!  In, according to Spouse, disgusting Smell-o-Vision™! 

I see that during my period of un-connectedness, the spam fairies have paid a visit in the Comments section.  Note to self:  have senior technicians at the Juniorvanian Broadcasting Corporation (JBC) get on that little problem.  The People demand an effective spam filter!

The migration to Juniorvania is now complete.  That is, the actual migrating is complete; the People’s Department of Public Works has been otherwise very occupied with many local improvements, what with the the packing, the loading, the unloading and the unpacking (Monday and Tuesday), not to mention the second round of unloading and unpacking (Wednesday – we received a shipment of items that have been kept in storage for us until such time as our national borders could accomodate them).  Since then, the Glorious Leadership of Juniorvania has been attempting to improve the quality of life in the Homeland by removing entirely certain mountains (apparently constructed largely of cardboard and packing paper) that seem to have recently arisen in the area.  One such range, located in the middle of what is supposed to be our living room, is pictured below:
Batch Number Eight 073
I believe I have had a flash of brilliant insight in the course of the move.  Rather like Sir Isaac Newton and his discovery of the principles of gravity, this insight came to me while I was engaged in one of my many trips to the trash and recycling bins.  It is the first discovery of what I hope will be a very productive Juniorvanian Science and Technology Ministry.  I shall call this revelation “Junior’s Principle of Relative Geographic Significance”.  It is a theorem that explains why an otherwise rational person would go to the time and expense of transporting an object from one place to another, only to discard the said object completely.  Empirical observation:  in the course of a move, while packing things away at the initial location, a person can hardly bear the thought of parting with certain treasures collected carefully (or perhaps otherwise) over a lifetime. Yet upon arrival at the ultimate destination, imbued with a sense of fresh possibility –  resolving to implement new systems, new (and better!) organization, and to suffer less clutter – certain of these treasures reveal themselves to be of somewhat less than stellar quality. They are thrown out in the trash, recycled or donated to charity.  Conclusion:  When engaged in a move, certain items selected for transport will undergo a mysterious physical transformation while in transit: beloved artifacts in one locality will become simple refuse in another.   Clearly, more research is needed;  at this time, for example, we do not know what proportion of items transported from place to place will be transmogrified, nor do we understand the mechanics of the metamorphosis.   For now, we are left with but a window into one of the beautiful mysteries of this universe.

Keeping this principle in mind, I offer a real-life (though perhaps rather extreme) demonstration of the principle, involving an actual item unloaded from the moving van and imported into Juniorvania.  An object bearing the following label was unearthed in our living room this morning by the People’s archaelogists.
Here it is in situ, with the label from the movers clearly visible:
Batch Number Eight 001
I make no moral or normative judgements about the presence of this relic.  Whatever it was when it was placed upon the moving van, it is now simply “scrap wood.”  It has become what it is, and now it – along with many other things – is here in Juniorvania.  We have resolved to preserve this object for the purposes of further scientific inquiry.

I will post another update about the move either later today or early tomorrow (and the poetry contest, I think we have a winner!).  For now, there are Great Projects to be accomplished lest we risk fomenting unrest among the people, as it seems that the tasks of the Glorious Leadership are many.

Juniorvania: Claimed.


BREAKING NEWS:  It’s official, as of 4:25 p.m.   All hail the founding of Juniorvania! Spouse and I are headed out to the Kingdom this evening and will be spending the night there on an air mattress and in a sleeping bag.  Bliss!

Categorized as Juniorvania

Juniorvania Update, Part the first

Great Migration – Staging Phase

Days remaining ’til Great Migration: 20

Number of times we’ve said “we better start packing”: 67

Number of boxes packed to date:0

Uh oh.

Categorized as Juniorvania

Breaking News Alert: Juniorvania Found

Remember that thing I posted about having found the property that satisfied the Known Requirements and Specifications for the Kingdom of Juniorvania? And remember how there were certain conditions and contingencies, some of which lay beyond our control, that would determine whether the Kingdom would be claimed?

In a word: “Done”.

The Kingdom is ours; at least, that is that an agreement has been struck by which the sellers have agreed to do the thing that sellers do best – selling – and we have secured the right to be the purchasers.

The mind of a benevolent ruler boggles at moments like this; so many things to do and such little time. Here’s a short (far from complete, just off the top of my head) list of the things Spouse and I will need to accomplish prior to the March 14th closing:

  • Design and produce Flag of the Kingdom (I am thinking something with a Viking, a snake and some badass lightning bolts would be nice – stylistically reminiscent of 1970s van art, of course);
  • Assemble Army, Navy and Air Force. As the boundaries are somewhat land-locked, “Navy” may be somewhat lower priority than other Juniorvanian defence forces;
  • Compose, perform and record suitable National Anthem. Something stirring and patriotic, but not dolorous or ponderous. If composition proves difficult (we should know after ten or fifteen minutes of trying to write) see if that Tchaikovsky fellow is available to do us up a little jingle like he did for the Russians; and
  • Ruthlessly suppress all dissenters. (I didn’t really want to do this one, but it seems to have been on the list for every other two-bit despot and tyrant in history; who am I to mess with tradition?)
  • All hail the Great Kingdom of Juniorvania!

    Categorized as Juniorvania

    This just in…

    Casa de Junior?It would appear that the long and arduous search for a homeland for our people has come to a conclusion; a tentatively successful conclusion, subject to some conditions that will be satisfied over the next week or so, and one contingency over which we can exert no influence, but a conclusion nonetheless. For the moment, however, it would appear that the Great Migration is about to commence. Spouse and I are, you know, completely terrified excited about that.

    Also, we apparently got a nifty riding mower thrown into the bargain, so I’m pretty stoked. I may decide to refer to it as a “tractor”, y’know, just ’cause it’s more evocative of a noble peasantry, the kind of thing celebrated in Stalinist artwork; that’s me, cutting the lawn.