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By junior on September 4, 2009, at 12:54 pm  Maple Street Press' Maple Leafs Annual 2009-2010 I am told that the Maple Leafs Annual is now available in many Chapters Indigo stores. My Dad picked up his copy in a store in Burlington today. Other reports via Twitter suggest that copies have been found in places like Wal-Mart elsewhere in the province.
If you’re someone who has already bought a copy of the magazine and you’re a new visitor dropping by this site because you followed the link at the end of my article, thanks for your interest. PLEASE do me the favour of taking the time to drop me a message in the comments, even if just to let me know you were here. I’d prefer it, of course, if you wrote a few hundred words about how my article is the best thing since somebody froze up a piece of poo and started whacking it around the frozen pond with a crooked branch, but feel free to berate me instead for whatever flaws you have identified in my article. I really would like to have a discussion with the readers and get your impressions of what I wrote (even if you don’t do impressions :-), thank you very much, don’t forget to tip your waitress, be sure to try the veal and I’m here all week). Like many of the contributors to the magazine, I haven’t done this sort of thing before and I am (some would say pathetically so) desperate for feedback on the results.
If you’re interested, you can read other things I’ve written on this site about the Leafs by clicking on this link (well, at least the ones I remembered to tag properly). I also write about some other things, mostly my life in small-town southern Ontario on a piece of property I call “Juniorvania”. One of my favourite posts, for example, has to do with the time my riding lawnmower tried to kill me. Click here to continue reading For Maple Leafs Annual Buyers: A Welcome
By junior on August 22, 2009, at 5:35 pm How do you say goodbye to a friend?
Last night, Spouse and I were awake a little later than usual; she was idly catching up with some Facebook friends, and I had my nose buried in my newly arrived Maple Leafs Annual. Popeye got up from his usual resting place – in front of the couch, sprawled out on a blanket placed just so on the floor for him – and began to make some noises as though he was about to vomit. This was not a terribly unusual occurrence; after all, he was almost sixteen and a half years old. Spouse let him out the back door into the yard.
 Popeye Loved to Do Surveillance in the Long Grass Recently, it had become his custom to (we felt) play a game with us, waiting out front for one or the other of us to finish our search for him, to let him back in the front hall and gently urge him to cross the tile floor just inside the door (with only one eye, Popeye had for years had a reluctance to cross smooth surfaces that was borne of depth perception problems). The next step was to stand by, showing him a willingness to help (but not actually assisting) as he struggled up the three stairs to the living room. So a few minutes after Spouse had let him out the door, I went straight to the front to retrieve our frail but mischievous little friend.
When he came back in the house, he went straight to the back door again. This was unusual, but we had decided to get ready for bed, so Spouse urged him to go out back again for a quick pee before turning in for the night. He did, then came back in again, but would not settle down. A few minutes later, he wanted back out again, and we were growing concerned. When he was out back on this occasion, wandering around the yard, he made a couple of unusual retching noises.
Before long, we became concerned that he was choking on something and Spouse was on the phone getting a number for an emergency veterinary clinic. We located a place not far away (no help to the frustrating automated Bell information attendant at directory information) and quickly, we took Poppy to the truck for a trip to see the doctor. He did not want to go down the stairs – it was becoming obvious to us that he was in some discomfort, but Popeye was always such a trooper about these things and he was never one to complain. He was told he had to come down the stairs, to the front porch, and he did. He was told he had to go down the stairs from the porch to the driveway, and he did. We lifted him into the rear of the truck and Spouse climbed in to the cargo area beside him to try and keep him calm.
When we arrived at the veterinary hospital, we lifted Popper down to the ground again. He didn’t want to walk across the deserted parking lot, but he did as he was told and came with us through the door into the little animal hospital. He hesitated briefly upon seeing the tile floor inside the door, but bravely walked across the waiting room and down the hall to the examining area. This was quite a feat for him, as we’d grown used to bringing a series of carpets to lay down across the floor of our usual vet, like the Army Corps of Engineers building a temporary bridge to get Popeye into the examination room. In our haste to get out the door and get him some help, we hadn’t thought to throw those carpets in the truck.
Upon examination, the news wasn’t good. Popeye’s stomach had bloated and twisted itself, and he was in a great deal of pain and distress. He needed either immediate surgical intervention. The only other option was euthanasia. Popeye was sixteen and a half years old and in failing health. The doctor could not recommend attempting surgery, and felt that even if he survived the procedure, he would not likely survive the recovery period.
It was obvious that the end of the road had come. Spouse and I made the awful decision and stood by, rubbing him behind the ears and patting his head as he went to sleep.
I can’t begin to communicate the sense of loss I feel right now, and I only knew Popeye for a little more than four of his years. His was a gentle, kind and playful spirit; he often stood by silently and without comment while our cat Henry sat in Popeye’s bowl of food or stuck his head full into the dog’s supper and began chowing down; he viewed his cookies more as playthings than treats to eat, often entertaining us with his “cookie dance”, tossing his head back and launching the treat into the air and across the room, then pouncing on it across the floor while making an odd thrusting motion with his front paws; he loved to go for what we called a crazy run, basically a unique hybrid between a series of bunny hops and a gallop, bounding across the lawn to our amusement, cheers and laughter.
He loved it when people came to visit. When we lived in our last house, children coming to the door on Hallowe’en were, in Popeye’s world, issuing an express invitation to join them for a bout of trick or treating that it would be downright rude to turn down. Visitors to our home were, Poppy was certain, here to see him and him alone.
More than anything, he loved it when it snowed. He would go outside and romp around in the drifts, often sitting down and facing the door, waiting patiently until the humans in the house got the message that it was time to come out and play. He liked to just stand in the snow and submerge his entire head in the biggest drift he could find. We thought it likely he found it necessary to do this to cool his brain down.
He had a way of sensing our moods. A couple of Septembers ago, while on a weekend visit with Spouse, Popeye and I to a lodge on Lake Nipissing, my brother and his then girlfriend became engaged. Upon announcement of the news, there was naturally much celebrating, hugging and hand shaking going on among the two-legged animals around the cabin. Poppy treated us all to an extended version of his crazy run, doing two full laps around the cabin, up and down the large rock on which it was situated, and jumped in between folks as they were hugging each other to make it clear that he was happy too.
A faithful companion to me, I can only imagine the way Spouse feels about this. He had travelled across Canada with her on a couple of occasions, by both land and air. He had been to university and law school with her – famously attending (uninvited) one set of commencement exercises to the general amusement of the formally enrolled humanoids assembled in the Hall. For sixteen years, as Spouse grew into the caring, loving and wonderful woman that she is today, Popeye was there. Together, they went to school; worked; loved; lost; travelled from horse show to horse show; and moved from city to city.
As I type this now, I’m sitting on the couch in our den. My feet are resting on the blanket that Popeye used to lie on, the one placed there just so by Spouse to make him comfortable as he snoozed away his days in his senior years. As much as I feel the empty space on that blanket, I can only imagine the size of the space left by a missing friend of sixteen and a half years.
Rest in peace, Popeye. You were a treasure to have met and a delight to have in my life. I will miss you, my friend.
By junior on August 21, 2009, at 6:56 pm RED LETTER DAY FOR ME!!!
My complimentary copy of the 2009-2010 Maple Leafs Annual – the Leafs season preview magazine containing my article on the arc of the Leafs’ rebuild and published by the “lunatic millionaires” who are “allergic to money” has arrived! Can you believe it, my piece was published on page 85, well known in the trade as the single most important page in any book, magazine or Jehovah’s Witness literature.
 Well, that's a weird smile...but look at the mag!! I would love to write all kinds of witty stuff now about that, but I need to spend some quality time with the articles. More on the content later. Incidentally, you can learn more about how to get your own life-affirming, magical and money-generating copy by clicking on the little picture of the magazine cover in the upper left corner of the site.
My initial reaction, having just opened up the box and frantically turned pages to confirm that my bit actually got published (in order to ensure that this is not part of an elaborate joke being played upon me by family and “friends”), is that the magazine looks terrific. Alec Brownscombe should be very pleased; I know I am.
By junior on August 20, 2009, at 9:28 pm Well, I suppose it wasn’t technically a tornado that George took us through on the way home today. But it was close enough for me, as close as “dammit” is to swearing anyway, and I was well and truly happy to be home once we had made our way through a truly blinding storm.
There were real tornadoes reported to have touched down in Ontario this evening, and several reports suggest there may have been fatalities involved.
It was a white knuckle ride, but we’re home safely; time for a cold refreshing beverage to calm the nerves.
(posted from my iPhone)
By junior on August 17, 2009, at 10:28 pm 
This photograph is a composite of at least five separate images taken with my iPhone and automatically stitched together with the application “autostitch”. It’s a view from the bridge over the pond in Centennial Park, looking west towards Northumberland street.
I am amazed at the job this application did. I literally just cranked off five photographs, then downloaded the app, put them in its little buffer and clicked one button. It whirred and gurgled away for a few minutes (actually, it just sat there silently cogitating, but the whirring and gurgling is much more exciting) and bingo bango bongo, you’ve got yourself a beautiful panorama. Amazing. The little iPhone is consistently making me want to take a time machine back to 1984 and trash talk my Commodore 64 big time as a worthless underachieving pile of silicon claptrap. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a “time travel” app available from iTunes…
Here’s the satellite photo of the area depicted in the above photo.:
View Larger Map
View Larger Map
By junior on August 12, 2009, at 9:42 pm That didn’t take long. The caption I chose is up over at Patrick Kane’s hockey-reference.com page.
I like it, but if you’ve got a better idea, drop it in the comments.
By junior on August 11, 2009, at 11:54 pm  Are you SURE that's the right mugshot? There are unconfirmed reports out of tinseltown tonight of plans to film a remake of the sixties spaghetti western classic “For a Few Dollars More”. The new project, which will be an extremely low-budget affair – indeed, some would say the budget would be a mere fraction of the original – will reportedly star noted amateur Buffalo private limousine critic and Chicago Blackhawks winger Patrick Kane. Fans are expected to queue up to see this one, despite the somewhat unusual $13.80 anticipated admission price.
In related news (and from the “of course he is” department), it turns out that Patrick Kane’s lawyer is a porn king.
Astonishingly, only one of the two above factoids is completely made up. (h/t to Torontosportsmedia for the apparently true one).
Meanwhile, I can’t help but think that this whole ugly incident could have been avoided if either Kane or taxi driver Jan Radecki had only opened up an account at the First Citiwide Change Bank before that fateful night:
We are not going to give you change that you don’t want. If you come to us with a hundred-dollar bill, we’re not going to give you two-thousand nickels – unless that meets your particular change needs. We will give you… the change… equal to… the amount of money… that you want change for!
As a side note, I can’t help but notice that Kane’s hockey-reference.com page is still available to willing sponsors. The price? See for yourself.
 Tell me the universe is unordered chaos. Go ahead. You can’t make this shit up, people. In the end, I was powerless to resist the obvious entreaty of the universe to make with the Visa card already. I snapped it up; I am, of course, hoping to sell it to someone for $13.80, exact change only please.
I have already submitted to Hockey Reference LLC the caption I want placed on the page, but I’d love to hear what you lot can come up with. Leave ’em in the comments below, gang… and meanwhile let’s see if they “approve” the one I submitted. If yours is better than the one I chose, I’ll be more than happy to replace my selection.
DGB, I believe they’re playing your cue music…
By junior on August 9, 2009, at 7:52 pm Online gambling offers exciting opportunities to make money, but success hinges on selecting trustworthy casinos and using effective strategies. While online casinos can be lucrative, it’s vital to recognize both the potential rewards and risks, emphasizing responsible gaming practices.
The Appeal of Online Casinos
The rise of online casinos has transformed the gambling world, providing players with easy access to a wide array of games from the comfort of their homes. With just a few clicks, you can dive into slots, poker, blackjack, and roulette. The convenience, variety, and possibility of large payouts make online casinos an enticing option for those aiming to make money.
Why Choosing a Reputable Casino Matters
Not all online casinos are equal, making it essential to choose wisely. A reputable online casino like joker123 login dan daftar joker388 will operate under a valid license, use secure encryption to protect your data, and maintain a strong reputation for fairness and prompt payments. Look for casinos regulated by respected authorities like the UK Gambling Commission or the Malta Gaming Authority, which enforce strict standards to ensure games are fair and players are treated fairly.
The Importance of Strategy in Gambling
While luck is a major factor in gambling, employing a solid strategy can greatly enhance your chances of winning. In games where skill is crucial, like poker or blackjack, understanding the rules, studying strategies, and practicing regularly can give you an edge. For instance, mastering basic blackjack strategy can reduce the house edge and boost your odds.
In games of pure chance, such as slots or roulette, effective bankroll management is key. This involves setting a budget, sticking to it, and knowing when to walk away. By managing your funds wisely, you can extend your playtime, increasing your chances of hitting a winning streak.
The Potential Upsides of Online Gambling
When done right, online gambling can offer several benefits:
Convenience: Play anytime, anywhere, without needing to visit a physical casino.
Variety: Enjoy a wide range of games, often with different versions and unique features not found in traditional casinos.
Bonuses and Promotions: Many online casinos offer enticing bonuses, such as welcome bonuses, free spins, and loyalty rewards, which can boost your bankroll.
Progressive Jackpots: Some online games feature progressive jackpots, where the prize pool increases with each bet. Winning one of these can lead to substantial financial rewards.
Risks and the Importance of Responsible Gambling
While the potential for profit is appealing, it’s important to recognize the risks of online gambling. Losses can happen as quickly as wins. Gambling should be seen as a form of entertainment, not a surefire way to make money.
To minimize risks:
Set Limits: Determine in advance how much time and money you’re willing to spend on gambling.
Avoid Chasing Losses: It’s tempting to keep playing to recover lost money, but this often leads to greater losses.
Seek Help if Necessary: If you feel that gambling is becoming a problem, resources like Gamblers Anonymous or online support groups can help.
Conclusion: A Balanced Perspective
Online casinos can indeed be a source of profit if you choose reputable platforms and apply effective strategies. However, it’s crucial to approach online gambling with a clear understanding of both its potential rewards and risks. By gambling responsibly and making informed decisions, you can enjoy the thrill of online casinos while maximizing your chances of success.
By junior on August 7, 2009, at 1:09 pm BUY THIS BOOK, DAMMIT. OR LUKE SCHENN WILL ERASE YOU. Remember the big secret, the writing project that I was feverishly beavering away at (and – miracle of miracles – actually finishing) a few weeks ago?
Well, it’s not so much a secret anymore.
The good folks at Maple Street Press (previously described in this space as “lunatic immigrant millionaires with a tenuous-to-non-existent grasp on the English language” who believe they are “allergic to money”) have published the “Maple Leafs Annual 2009-2010”, the newest addition to the Maple Street Press family of sports publications.
I am told that the book may be found in Barnes & Noble bookstores across North America beginning August 18th (oops, relied on some bad info originally) that the book is affordably priced at $12.99 and that it hits newsstands September 8th. It will be available at all Indigo Chapters stores in Canada as well as wherever magazines are sold in the greater Toronto area, including Walmart, grocery stores, drug stores, newsstands, etc. Should you so desire though, gentle reader, you may guarantee yourself a copy by pre-ordering here (this latter option, which involves an additional $5 for shipping and handling, gets the thing directly to your home, trailer or cardboard box, conveniently eliminating any need whatsoever for you to leave your couch, lawn chair or patch of litter-strewn asphalt beneath the highway overpass*)
I hear you now: “Hang on just a second, there, hoss” you are saying. Just what the hell am I pre-ordering anyway by clicking on that magic link up yonder (did you know that you talk like a cowboy with Internet access? Well, you do.) Let me fill you in just a little bit on the details in that regard. Alec Brownscombe, editor of the magazine and the maître d’ at Maple Leafs Hot Stove has posted the whole nine yards about this publication announcement here. I don’t want you to run away across the vast expense of teh Intarwebs just yet though – who knows, all that disorganized clicking and surfing might just break the damn thing, and what a fine mess we’d be in then – so here’s a wee smidgen of what Alec is promising:
Maple Street Press is an independent publishing company that works to produce high quality, authoritative, analytical, and insightful sports publications for the serious fan. More than your generic team guide, the Annual is the first of its kind to offer a variety of comprehensive viewpoints on the topics concerning the Leafs loyalist. We’ve assembled a cast of many of the web’s most knowledgeable Leafs and hockey writers, each of whom offers a unique and insightful perspective with a finger firmly on the pulse of Leafs Nation all the while. Collectively, we offer 128 ad-free pages of relevant Leafs content; analysis, interviews, scouting expertise, in-depth statistics, key information, humour, colour photos and nostalgia included.
I am really quite honoured to have been asked to contribute a little sumpin’ sumpin’ for this exciting project, if only for the chance to get published alongside pieces by some real superstars in the hockey writing world (James Mirtle !) and others by some top-notch bloggers from around the Barilkosphere (including local favourites PPP, Chemmy, Down Goes Brown, eyebleaf, Cox Bloc, Bitter Leaf Fan and Alec Brownscombe himself). These are the real goal scorers on our little writing team (see what I did there? It’s called a “metaphor”, or at least I think it is. We writers are a tricky lot); I consider myself to be more the plucky and dogged (fourth oops, mistake pointed out by Godd Till Sept. 15/09) third line winger, the Bill Berg of Leafs blogging. My article focusses on the arc to be travelled by rebuilding franchises generally and compares the plan adopted by Brian Burke and the Leafs to the model apparently being used by Bruins’ GM Peter Chiarelli. I know that a lot of the pieces that Alec commissioned for the magazine are what I think professional writers would term “long form”; mine was over 3000 words. I suspect that the Maple Street Press publications are unique in that they are focussed exclusively on a single organization, permitting much more in-depth analysis than the superficial league-wide season previews you’ll avoid reading elsewhere, and I can tell you from my experience writing this piece that the long form permits the writer to really try to develop an actual idea instead of just bombarding you with facts and stats. I am excited to see my own article in print, but I’m absolutely jacked to see what my fellow contributors have come up with for this very reason.
I am also very much looking forward to actually meeting my fellow contributors and literally rubbing shoulders with them at the production wrap cocktail party, which I suppose will likely be some sort of exclusive catered affair, black tie of course, with insanely witty Leaf-related chat over canapes. I hope that it’s “monocle optional”, as mine is in the, er, monocle shop getting repaired. And there’s a bit of a backlog on account of the monocle repairman being so busy. Of course, nobody’s mentioned that there are any actual plans to put on such a shindig, but I have to assume this sort of thing is customary.
As an aside, I would never have guessed that Brad May would be on the cover of a Maple Leafs-related publication but I would suppose that I am no more astonished by that development than Mr. May and his family. Also, to answer the inquiries of my wife: no, I do not know why Luke Schenn doesn’t have a hockey stick in his hands in that photograph. It is safe to assume, however, that the picture was taken just moments before the untimely passing of a brave, if not particularly intelligent, opponent.
In closing, I am not just asking but rather begging you to purchase a copy of this wonderful magazine. Please don’t make me ramp this up a further notch to “threatening.” It would be nice if Maple Street Press actually found this exercise to be a productive and financially rewarding one so that they might consider someday publishing another such magazine and including another such contribution from yours truly, in which case I could ask you to buy yet another magazine and I might be able to then afford to pay the ransom demanded by those kidnappers and get my uncle Russell out of the Sudan safely**. The publisher can’t say stuff like this (you know, on account of consumer protection advertising laws and so on) but, in addition to containing all kinds of wonderful content devoted exclusively to consideration of your Toronto Maple Leafs (individual player profiles! history, analysis and humour! colour photographs!), and apart from the fact that it’s provided to you in a handsome, durable format that is advertisement-free (you’ll need to order your sea monkeys and x-ray specs from another publication), I am told by a reliable source’s best-friends uncle’s cousin twice removed that the magazine also has the salutary effect of causing its purchaser to become instantly more attractive to persons of the opposite sex. Moreover, it cures baldness, premature ejaculation, bad breath, rickets, all golf-swing mechanics problems including both “hooks” and “slices”, leprosy and spontaneous human combustion – at least, there’s no reliable proof yet that it doesn’t do these things.
So, in summary, you should buy it or you might instantly burst into flames.
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*assuming you have a ready and reliable supply of snacks already sorted out
**no warranty is made that any actual kidnapping occurred or ransom was demanded. And even if it was, no promises are made that any funds obtained will be applied to the aforesaid ransom demands. Sorry, Uncle Russell***.
*** Uncle Russell may not actually exist.
By junior on August 5, 2009, at 10:56 pm George, our new Highlander Limited Hybrid, is here. We are now accepting applications for a posse intent on rolling with us. Please be advised, however, that you either ride with us – or collide with us.
 Spouse makes a strange face to celebrate George's arrival. This is the part where you say, “Damn, George is a handsome lad.”
One feature of the vehicle that Spouse and I discovered this evening: it has – I believe the technical term is – a “backy uppy camera”, I assume so you can see the look of abject horror on the faces of all the little tykes you are mowing down while reversing. We did not know this vehicle was equipped with this feature until after we had gotten George home, let Popeye out and fed him, then headed back out to the driveway to take young George for a spin. Upon popping the gearshift lever in to reverse, George’s GPS screen blinked off and presented us with the view from his behind.
For posterity’s sake, we got George with a mere 125 km of wear on him. As indicated, we took him out for a little toodle around the countryside tonight, and (according to one of the many flashing and whirring electronic geegaws adorning the dashboard and proclaiming such things) we were using 7.2 L/100km of fuel; this is roughly equivalent, according to a helpful website, to getting 32.67 mpg. Incidentally, it’s also approximately the same mileage as the EPA rating for the Nissan Altima Hybrid – a much smaller sedan.
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